Dear Mentors: “How do I know when it’s time to leave a job or seek new opportunities?”
Editor’s Note:
In this case, the Mentee’s question prompted our Peer Mentors to suggest additional questions that can help lead to discernment. It is often a slow, deliberative decision to make. But sometimes, the insight comes in a flash.
In my personal experience, each time I’ve made a decision to leave a situation and move on to a new chapter, the immense feeling of relief and euphoria confirmed I was making the right decision.
I was recently talking about these kinds of transitions with my friend and fellow WCA member Barbara Johnson. She recommended this book, which sounds intriguing. Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away by Annie Duke. The author is a former professional poker player!
Read on for more advice. – Paige Booth
Dear Mentee,
In my experience, the realization of the need for change brews over time, and then a single moment reveals that it’s time to leave.
Here’s a common scenario: You feel like you can robotically do the work. Great, right?! You think, I’m ready for the next challenge and you sit down with your boss and ask for greater depth or breadth with an emphasis on growth and leadership. Perhaps you ask for a seat at the table where strategic decisions about your work are made. If the leaders within your workplace invite that conversation and help you see a growth path for yourself (and, let’s be honest, for them!) to utilize your experience turned expertise, stay and see where that path leads. If the conversation gets put on the back burner for too long or dismissed, that can be your exit sign. Regardless of the scenario, if you are in a place where your desire for change is brewing, try turning up the heat. When you do, all too often, it will trigger a moment of clarity.
Dear Mentee,
As someone who’s changed careers three times and survived a few truly terrible jobs, here’s my honest advice: if you can’t win at work, it’s time to leave.
In my early 30s, I worked in sales at an Austin startup with monthly quotas that were basically unattainable. I’d leave work at 6 p.m., go home, and put in another 2–3 hours prospecting just so I could “hit the ground running” the next day. I was miserable. I cried—often. I skipped time with friends and family because I was “behind” and chasing a number that was impossible to hit. I felt like a failure.
Though I didn’t have a formal mentor, I did have a very kind fiancé (now husband) who finally said, “I’d rather us be broke than watch you suffer any longer.” I quit the next day. No job. No plan. Just freedom.
And you know what? It was the scariest—and best—decision I ever made. It opened doors I couldn’t have imagined.
If you can’t quite see it for yourself, listen to your “team”—whether that’s friends, family, or a partner. Sometimes they see the light before you do.
You got this!
Dear Mentee,
In your question are two implied questions: How will I decide? What will I do? We may feel an urge or call to leave a job or seek new opportunities when we do not like how we feel in our current situation. That’s why conversations about leaving a job include both fact-finding and soul-searching. For example, here are some pertinent questions to ponder:
- What’s working in my current position?
- What’s not working?
- What do I want to be different now? In a year? In five years?
These questions are great for journaling and as conversation starters with peers, mentors, and friends who may offer different perspectives.
To make a decision about whether to stay, go or search, self-coaching skills sharpen your intuition and increase your self-confidence. These skills lean on a different set of questions:
- What do I want?
- What’s in my control?
- How do I want to feel about myself and my work?
- How can I feel that way right now?
With these questions and a trusted mentor or coach, you can get clear on what’s missing and explore change with confidence.
Dear Mentee,
Here are some questions to ask and answer:
Do I enjoy my work most of the time? Like entering any long-term commitment, like a job or a marriage, I’ve often heard, “It should be 80% positive/20% negative at the very start.”
If you are at 60/40 or 50/50, you may just need a change in role/position/project load, so explore that with your managers and/or colleagues. However, if it’s much less than that – say, 20%-40% positive, you may be in the wrong place, industry, role or position. Try taking some personality or aptitude tests (via Myers-Briggs, Insights Finder, etc.) to help you discern where you are happiest, your working style, personality-type and skillset. Also, if you are new to your career, you may just need to learn more about what you truly enjoy – as well as what you already have an innate talent or proven skill in doing.
Do I lose track of time at work? Am I often in ‘flow’ state (see Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book “Flow”)? In other words, do you enjoy your work to the point where you lose track of time and/or can do it for hours, stay focused and in an elevated state of bliss? For me, as a writer/journalist, musician and entrepreneur, I often have enjoyed this type of experience in both my work and outside/creative pursuits.
If you do not, ask for more of the things you truly love (and excel at!) at work. We can’t love ALL of the tasks necessary to our workdays, but we should enjoy and be successful at most of them, while automating and delegating the rest.
How does my work make me feel physically? This is a ‘check-your-gut’ instinctive question. It has deeper, more mental and physical health-related ramifications. If you hate getting up for work, feel an actual ‘pit in your stomach’ in the parking lot upon arrival, or find yourself needing frequent breaks to escape, it’s probably a sign of something much deeper afoot. Either the environment is toxic, the personalities and/or philosophies are not aligned, the mission is unclear or uninspiring, or it is just the wrong fit professionally and personally.
Finally, do you believe in the mission and purpose of the job you do? Is the organization’s mission aligned with what you believe in or like to do? Do you enjoy the people and like the work?
We spend 8+ hours a day working. Those hours need to have primarily positive feelings and energy around them for our lives to truly be fulfilling. Life is short – don’t waste it doing something you hate or that leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Best of luck!
Got your own career conundrum you’d like advice on?Then sign up for the WCA peer mentoring program. It’s free to members and nonmembers!
Not ready to sign up yet? Submit your question to Ask a Peer Mentor. It’s all about peers who care about helping their fellow WCA community.
Compiled and edited by Paige Booth
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