Secrets to Being More Fearless

Guest post by Patti DeNucci

Last August, my family and I were invited to spend the weekend with some friends at a house on Lake Travis. Moments after we arrived, our son and I went down to the dock to investigate where we’d be cooling off for the next few days. Right away, he began noting which cliff overlooking the cove would be most suitable for a thrilling jump into the water. The options were of heights equivalent to jumping off the roof of our two-story home. As a mother (and someone nervous about heights in general), I was not happy about this. Yet, other than saying, “Make sure the water is deep enough,” I held my tongue. After all, our son is now 18, not 8.

Later that afternoon, swimsuits on, I found myself doing something unexpected. I was following our son out onto the cliff. We scaled rough, sun-baked rocks littered unmercilessly with prickly burrs (the kind that medieval weapons were modeled after). With bare feet blistered, bleeding, and full of pickers, we peered over the edge into the sparkling blue water below. My more fearful side was on Maximum Red Alert. My more fearless side countered, “We are SO doing this!”

Nonchalantly, our son jumped first. I followed, letting out a shriek that is probably still ricocheting off the banks of Lake Travis as I write this. Later we’d do two more cliff jumps, including one off the higher cliff across the cove. I screamed every time.

Was it scary? Absolutely! But it was exhilarating and empowering as well. (And, just so you know, the water below was 15 feet deep at the very least.) Best of all, it was fun and our son seemed duly impressed that Mom, at 51 years old, was gutsy enough to do something new and exciting. (Though he still gives me a hard time about my screaming.)

Have I always been one to do crazy things like this? Not a chance. I’ve learned some secrets about letting go of the many fears that have surfaced since our very active and adventurous son was born in 1992. Here are a few of the numerous secrets I’ve discovered that seem to help me be more fearless. Try them for yourself.

Don’t confuse fear with discomfort. Fear is what protects us from real danger. Discomfort is what prevents us from stretching beyond our known limits, growing into the brilliant humans that we are, having more fun, experiencing more adventure, and jumping into the next wonderful chapter of our lives and careers. What are your perceived fears? And what are they stopping you from doing, achieving, becoming, and enjoying?

Find and focus on your purpose. If you will invest the time, space, and reflection in the vital discovery of your true mission, purpose, and desired way of living and working, it will ignite your passion. Once that passion becomes a flame and you fan it into a roaring bonfire, obstacles and hesitation may still get in your way, but they won’t stop you. In many cases, what you once thought were fears will disappear altogether. Sure, you’ll still feel some butterflies in your stomach and some nervousness now and them, but these will be easier to ignore and move through.

Factor it in. Fear and discomfort are part of life. Anything worth doing is going to involve some risk, anxiety, and the scariest thing of all: change. The people I know who are doing amazing things with their time, talents, and resources are moving beyond the boundaries of their discomfort and doing what they believe they are here to do. They are showing up with purpose and passion. They are pushing beyond their own limits. And most of them are having an exhilarating time on the journey, which brings me to my final tip.

Have fun. What fears are stopping you? Inventory and examine them. Make a list of every little situation, idea, or achievement that makes you hesitate or gives you the willies. Now, over the next year, see how many of those fears you can conquer or even just wipe off the list altogether because you realize how silly or inconsequential they are. I am guessing a lot of them never deserved to be on your list in the first place. Seeing how truly fearless you are will energize you, give you confidence. Try it for yourself.

Patti DeNucci is a writer, speaker, connector, and consultant who lives and works in Austin, Texas. She is one of 40 entrepreneurial women featured in the new book Fearless Women, Fearless Wisdom by Mary Ann Halpin, which launched July 2010. You can reach her at patti@denucciandcompany.com www.denucciandcompany.com